March 31, 2021

Spin: 62 Musicians Predict The 2021 Baseball Season

SPIN Magazine "searched far and wide to get predictions for the upcoming Major League Baseball season", asking 62 musicians what they think and hope will happen. The best quotes are from angry and/or bitter fans.

Tom DeLonge, Angels & Airwaves (San Diego Padres)

What are your reasonable hopes?

My hope is that we see the Dodgers in the postseason, and that will be the real World Series. Two rivals, and having the underdogs conquer. That's my hope.

Patrick Carney, The Black Keys (Cleveland)

What are your thoughts on the team changing its name?

I am cool with the name change. I hope they don't pick the Cleveland Rockers or something like that. I think the Cleveland Fellers would be a cool name…

Steve Sladkowski, PUP (Toronto Blue Jays)

Despite the tough division, do you think the Jays have the talent to compete?

Absolutely! The Red Sox and Orioles are trash and I am contractually obligated to slander the Yankees . . . And the best Tampa teams currently in the city are from Toronto anyway (don't look that up). So of course the Jays are going to compete. Win the division? Why not!?

Dicky Barrett, Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Boston Red Sox)

What's your prognosis for the season? What happened to the mighty Sox?

Not good. Apparently, management decided they wanted to go in a different direction than fielding a winning team.

What's the ceiling/floor?

The ceiling is what I'm looking up at as I drink to mask the pain of the Sox failure and the floor is where I end up sleeping.

Who is your player to watch this year?

Mookie Betts. Because I'm a sadist.

What’s your record prediction?

They will lose more games than they win and they will score fewer runs than the opposing teams more times than the opposite.

Serengeti (Chicago White Sox)

What are your reasonable hopes? What's the ceiling/floor?

Ceiling: World Series champs in 4 games. Floor: World Series champs in 5 games.

Who is your player to watch this year?

The only player any person should ever watch is Luis Robert. He is like if Bo Jackson, Roman Reigns and RoboCop collabed to be a superhuman. Frank Thomas said he is a 6 tool player. What is the 6th tool? Nobody knows. It doesn't matter. Luis Robert is great.

Dave Hause (Philadelphia Phillies)

Thoughts on Bryce Harper? Is he worth the money or will he be forever a disappointment?

There's no salary cap in baseball, so I don't care what he costs and frankly, in any sport, I want the players to make as much money as is humanly possible. I mean who are we rooting for, the owners?! 

Joe Casey, Protomartyr (Detroit Tigers)

What's your prognosis for the season? Any hopes for the team?

Prognosis: Terminal. The hope is that this'll be a "rebuilding year" I suppose. I sure do miss "built" years.

Robert Ortiz, Escape the Fate (Atlanta)

What's your World Series matchup?

Easy. After shitting on the piece of shit Dodgers, [Atlanta] will obliterate the New York piece of shit Yankees.

Kay Hanley, Letters to Cleo (Boston Red Sox)

What's your prognosis for the season?

Given last season's flaming jalopy pileup into last place, Red Sox 2021 will probably be better without even trying. So there's that. Positives: Alex Cora is back and with a lot to prove, will be looking to re-establish his reputation and muzzle some fools. Pitching staff is improving top to bottom, which I admit isn't saying much, but having Eduardo Rodriguez and (hopefully) Chris Sale back plus a couple of interesting bullpen additions like Hirokazu Sawamura makes me feel like we're heading in the right direction. If Devers, Dalbec and Verdugo bats light up like we know they can, if JD Martinez can get his head on straight, if Eovaldi can stay healthy, if the weak outfield can be like, not a sieve. That's a lot of ifs. This is an IF season.

Will they be able to recapture the success of the past two decades?

In terms of winning? No. There are other ways to measure success when you rip the house down to the studs. Chaim Bloom's focus on fortifying the foundation through the minor league is great but I don't really think the "rebuilding phase" (a term of art that Red Sox [fans] are very used to hearing) had to be as fucking painful as this is and will continue to be for the next few years.

Who is your player to watch this year?

Kiké Hernandez. The chemistry plus history between Cora plus Kiké is intriguing. Dying to see what happens there.

What's your World Series matchup?

Dodgers and some team like the Twins or Yankees, who will lose.

JR Wasilewski, Less Than Jake (New York Yankees)

What are your reasonable hopes? What's the ceiling/floor?

The ceiling is the World Series. The floor is where Red Sox fans are gonna be from drinking to numb the pain so often. Probably.

Jon Snodgrass (Colorado Rockies)

What's your prognosis for the season?

Well, it's beyond ugly over here. We have a lot of rightfully angry & discouraged fans. They are threatening to boycott Coors Field, demanding the firing of Jeff Bridich, and to "SELL THE TEAM!"

Sam Anderson, Quaker City Hawk Nights (Texas)

What's your prognosis for the season? Any hopes for the team?

After asking Arlington taxpayers to take it in the shorts twice on new stadiums you would figure the Rangers front office would try to at least roll out an entertaining product. That does not appear to be the case this year.

What's your record prediction?

This front office has made all the moves you make before you sell a franchise.

Steve Earle (New York Yankees)

What's your record prediction?

We’ll win 97, 98.

What's your World Series matchup?

Dodgers vs. Yanks. Yanks in 7.

I am not happy to learn Steve Earle is a Yankee fan. I thought he was a smart guy.

1 comment:

Jim said...

Good stuff. I like the Cleveland Fellers.