Xenophobic, Hate-Filled, Ignorant Racist Who Supports The Torture Of Children And The Murder Of Journalists And Ogles His Teenage Daughter's Friends (And Self-Identifies As (Of Course!) A Devout Christian) Would Like A Job As The Red Sox's Pitching Coach (For $ To Buy More Nazi Memorabilia?)

When his grandiose dreams of returning to baseball are dashed on the rocks of reality, maybe he will threaten to run for Congress for the 116th time.

Samer Kalaf, Deadspin:

Curt Schilling Delusional Enough To Think He Could Be A Baseball Manager, According To His "Friends"

This little Bob Nightengale scoop starts on shaky ground by assuming there are people in existence who can tolerate Curt Schilling enough to be considered his friends, but it has a great punchline:

Yes, according to these friends, Schilling would love to be considered for the pitching coach gig for a team that made sure to lose his invite to a pregame ceremony for the franchise's most recognizable squad. Do you know how many facts Schilling has to ignore to believe this to be possible? It's fantastic. What's better is that it's true, according to the meme lord himself:

Within an hour of confirming his interest in returning to baseball, Curt was arguing with people about how he is not an asshole:

Here's hoping he gets an interview! That is, if he can figure out how to make sure the job doesn't interfere with his future political career.

ALSO:

Padres Pitcher Jacob Nix Kicked, Tased After Trying To Break Into Home Through Doggie Door

Padres pitcher Jacob Nix was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing after he allegedly tried to break into a home in Peoria, Arizona early Sunday morning [around 3:30 am] using the doggie door ... Teammate Thomas Cosgrove was also arrested, but was reportedly not charged with anything. ...

The homeowner allegedly found the intoxicated San Diego player trying to squeeze through the doggie door, and responded by kicking Nix in the face. Cosgrove pulled Nix out of the pathway so the two could escape, but then the owner decided to use the doggie door himself to reach out and fire his taser in the direction of the two. According to police records ... the homeowner hit Nix. The cops arrested the two a few blocks away from the home.