Baseball Nicknames Show A Stunning And Disheartening Lack Of Originality And Wit

I hate it when writers and announcers and fans (and players) say things like "No one knows how to bunt anymore" or "[Whatever] is a lost art these days". Those types of statements are almost always - to put it bluntly - a load of horseshit. If you look back into the game's history, you will find the complaints you hear in 2018 were also said in 1978 and 1948 and 1928 and 1898.

However, if anyone says "No one knows how to give a teammate a nickname anymore," I'll be first in line to shout my approval and agreement.

For games played tonight and this weekend, players will be allowed to wear nicknames on the backs of their uniforms.

A couple of weeks ago, the list of nicknames was released. I looked at it - and I wept. ... Actually, one is fantatsic:

But the others were bland. Nicknames are usually considered unique, but most of these were not. (One hesitates to call someone's last name a "nickname". Can "Fisher" truly be a nickname for Fisher?) The lack of originality and wit was truly stupifying.

I Got Nothin'

Matt Kemp: "MATT"
Buster Posey: "BUSTER"
Andrew Suarez: "ANDY"
Wil Myers: "WIL"
Homer Bailey: "HOMER"
Derek Fisher: "FISHER"
Ryan Pressly: "PRESSLY"
Tony Sipp: "SIPP"
George Springer: "SPRINGER"
Ramon Laureano: "LAUREANO"
Ryan Borucki: "BORUCKI"
Sam Gaviglio: "GAVIGLIO"
Wes Parsons: "PARSONS"
Jose Ramirez: "RAMIREZ"
John Gant: "GANT"
Jordan Hicks: "HICKS"
Tyler O'Neill: "O'NEILL"
Zack Greinke: "GREINKE"
Josh Fields: "FIELDS"
Corey Kluber: "KLUBER"
Kyle Seager: "SEAGER"
Jay Bruce: "BRUUUCE"
Rafael Montero: "MONTERO"
Alex Cobb: "COBB"
Donnie Hart: "D. HART"
Alex Dickerson: "DICKERSON"
Brett Kennedy: "KENNEDY"
Walker Lockett: "LOCKETT"
Trey Wingenter: "WINGENTER"
Enyel De Los Santos: "DE LOS SANTOS"
Pat Neshek: "NESHEK"
Nick Pivetta: "PIVETTA"
Jordan Luplow: "LUPLOW"
Ronald Herrera: "HERRERA"
Dan Butler: "BUTLER"
Tim Hill: "HILL"
Matt Belisle: "BELISLE"
Robbie Grossman: "GROSSMAN"
Joe Mauer: "MAUER"
Tyler Danish: "DANISH"
Ryan LaMarre: "LaMARRE"
Greg Bird: "BIRD"
Jacoby Ellsbury: "ELLSBURY"
Brett Gardner: "GARDNER"
Ben Heller: "HELLER"
Aaron Judge: "JUDGE"

Not OK

Giancarlo Stanton: "G"
Brad Peacock: "P"
Victor Alcantara: "V"
Xavier Cedeno: "X"
Alex Claudio: "AC"
Amir Garrett: "AG"
Adam Kolarek: "AK"
Adam Ottavino: "AO"
A.J. Cole: "AJ"
Brian Johnson: "BJ"
DJ LeMahieu: "DJ"
Dan Jennings: "DJ"
Jake Bauers: "JB"
Justin Bour: "JB"
Josh Bell: "JB"
Jesse Biddle: "JB"
Jackie Bradley Jr.: "JBJ"
Eric Young Jr.: "EYJ"
Johan Camargo: "JC"
Trevor Cahill: "T.C."
J.D. Davis: "JD"
Daniel Palka: "DP"
Joe Ross: "JR"
Jonny Venters: "JV"
Justin Verlander: "JV"
Jordan Zimmermann: "JZ"
Jim Johnson: "J.J."
Joe Panik: "J.P."
Pierce Johnson: "P.J."
Brad Keller: "B.K."
Tom Koehler: "TK"
Khris Davis: "KD"
Kris Bryant: "KB"
Kevin Pillar: "KP"
Greg Garcia: "GG"
Gleyber Torres: "GT"
Cody Carroll: "CC"
Chris Iannetta: "CI"
Chris Young: "CY"

What Hath Slappy Wrought?

Justin Upton: "J-UP"
Joey Rickard: "J-RICK"
Johnny Field: "J. FIELD"
Jason Heyward: "J-HEY"
Alex Reyes: "A.REY"
Alex Bregman: "A-BREG"
Lorenzo Cain: "LO CAIN"
Brandon Morrow: "B MO"
Tanner Roark: "T-RO"
Adam Morgan: "A-MO"
Daniel Norris: "D. NO"
Derek Law: "D-LAW"
Denard Span: "D-SPAN"
Adam Conley: "ACON"
Austin Jackson: "A-JAX"
Brandon Dixon: "B DIX"
Daniel Robertson: "D-ROB"
David Robertson: "D-ROB"
David Hernandez: "D HERN"
Donnie Hart: "D. HART"
Devon Travis: "D-TRAV"
Madison Bumgarner: "MAD-BUM"
(Historical: Cal McLish would be "C-Cool-JC-Tusk-Lish")

For Those In A Hurry

Matt Shoemaker: "SHOE"
Jose Altuve: "TUVE"
Chris Hatcher: "HATCH"
Jonathan Lucroy: "LUC"
Tyler Clippard: "CLIP"
Brandon Drury: "DRU"
Randal Grichuk: "GRICH"
Bryan Mitchell: "MITCH"
Daniel Murphy: "MURPH"
Ryan Tepera: "TEP"
A.J. Minter: "MINT"
Kurt Suzuki: "ZUK"
Dan Winkler: "WINK"
Jesse Winker: "WINK"
Matt Carpenter: "CARP"
Dexter Fowler: "DEX"
Miles Mikolas: "MIK"
Victor Reyes: "VIC"
Hunter Strickland: "STRICK"
Victor Caratini: "VIC"
Steven Souza Jr.: "SOUZ"
Clayton Kershaw: "KERSH"
Steven Duggar: "DUGG"
Hunter Dozier: "DOZ"
Mark Melancon: "MEL"
Adam Cimber: "CIM"
Rajai Davis: "RAJ"
J.T. Realmuto: "REAL"
Tyler Bashlor: "BASH"
Stephen Strasburg: "STRAS"
Ryan Zimmerman: "ZIM"
Mark Trumbo: "TRUM"
Adam Frazier: "FRAZ"
Doug Fister: "FIST"
Matt Harvey: "HARV"
Drew Hutchison: "HUTCH"
Blake Swihart: "SWI"
Tyler Thornburg: "THORN"
Brandon Workman: "WORK"
Curt Casali: "CAS"
A.J. Schugel: "SCHUG"
Scott Schebler: "SHEB"
Preston Tucker: "TUCK"
Trevor Story: "TREV"
J.P. Crawford: "CRAW"
Jerad Eickhoff: "EICK"
Zach Eflin: "EF"
Reynaldo Lopez: "REY"
Austin Romine: "RO"
A.J. Pollock: "POLLO"
Nick Hundley: "HUNDO"
Evan Longoria: "LONGO"
Jake Odorizzi: "ODO"
Andrew Romine: "ROMI"
Sam Tuivailala: "TUI"
Nick Martini: "TINI"
Isaac Galloway: "GALLO"
Christian Yelich: "YELI"
Christian Villanueva: "VILLA"
Luis Avilan: "AVI"

If Mookie Wasn't Mookie, Would He Be 'Bettsy'?

Tony Kemp: "KEMPY"
Hector Rondon: "RONDY"
Tyler White: "WHITEY"
Paul Blackburn: "BLACKIE"
Matt Chapman: "CHAPPY"
Matt Olson: "OLY"
Danny Barnes: "BARNZY"
Rhiner Cruz: "CRUEZY"
Charlie Culberson: "CULBY"
Mike Foltynewicz: "FOLTY"
Adam Duvall: "DUVY"
Sam Freeman: "FREEZY"
Erik Kratz: "KRATZY"
Jordan Lyles: "JORDY"
Paul DeJong: "PAULY"
Tyler Webb: "WEBBY"
Pedro Strop: "STROPY"
Patrick Corbin: "CORBY"
Paul Goldschmidt: "GOLDY"
Steven Matz: "MATZY"
Matt Grace: "GRACEY"
Jeremy Hellickson: "HELLY"
Greg Holland: "HOLLY"
Jace Peterson: "PETEY"
Evan Phillips: "PHILLY"
Franchy Cordero: "CORDY"
Cory Spangenberg: "SPANGY"
Matt Strahm: "STRAHMY"
Kyle Crick: "CRICKY"
Jaime Schultz: "SCHULTZY"
Ryne Stanek: "STANNY"
Tyler Chatwood: "CHATTY"
Mike Montgomery: "MONTY"
Addison Russell: "ADDY"
Shelby Miller: "MILLZY"
Zach Duke: "DUKIE"
Hunter Wood: "WOODY"
Eduardo Nunez: "NUNIE"
Harrison Musgrave: "MUSKY"
Scott Oberg: "OBIE"
Brian Flynn: "FLYNNY"
Glenn Sparkman: "SPARKY"
Kyle Gibson: "GIBBY"
Trevor Hildenberger: "HILDY"
Chad Green: "GREENY"
Aaron Hicks: "HICKSIE"
Jonathan Holder: "HOLDY"
Jordan Montgomery: "MONTY"
Luis Severino: "SEVY"
Neil Walker: "WALKIE"
Adam Wainwright: "WAINO"
Alex Blandino: "BLANDY"

That last one works on several levels.