Schadenfreude 88 (A Continuing Series)

Ken Davidoff, Newsday:

On a long, long day at Yankee Stadium, the comic highlight occurred in the middle of the first inning, when public-address announcer Paul Olden invited fans to move up to the field- and main-level seats.

A few lax security guards didn't act quickly enough, though, and before you knew it, SOME COMMONERS HAD CROSSED THE MOAT!!! into the infamous Legends Suites.

Look out! The revolution had begun!

But the trespassers soon trudged back into the field- level seats last night, and in short time, they smiled as Stadium employees handed them menus by which they could order popcorn for $7 and a smoked chicken Caesar wrap for $9. ...

Mark Hale, Post:

The announced attendance was 45,143, but the actual count was probably closer to 10,000. After the top of the first inning, the Yankees invited fans to sit in the lower levels -- allowing them to view the putrid offense with a keener eye.

Anthony Mccarron, Daily News:

Even with an extra five hours and 26 minutes to think about it, the Yankees still could not figure out how to hit an unfamiliar pitcher. ...

It was the first time the Yanks have been shut out at their new home and they scored only seven runs in the series.

The loss to the lowly Nats, which meant that the worst team in baseball - by far - took two of three games from the Yanks, plunged Joe Girardi into a funk. ...

Jay Greenburg, Post:

The best rotation money can buy has thrown the AL's third-fewest innings, part of the reason why a bullpen one would never want to overwork has only the league's 10th best ERA ...

The good news is that in a season ending today, the Yankees would be in the postseason ...

"I had a good rhythm, just sometimes started drifting," said Chamberlain, who said he has to do better, then said he thinks he's doing fine. We liked the first answer more.

Bill Madden, Daily News:

They waited 5-1/2 hours in the rain to play a baseball game at Yankee Stadium Thursday night, and if you didn't know better, it could have been because the Yankees wanted no part of Craig Stammen.

It mattered not that the Washington Nationals' rookie righthander was not exactly a household name. Or even that, with his 5.86 ERA for his first five major league starts, he pretty much symbolized this desolate Washington team that is keeping pace with the '62 Mets as baseball's worst ever. All that mattered was the Yankees had never seen him before ...

Joked one veteran scout Thursday night: "I don't know, if I were a team playing the Yankees in the postseason, I'd call up three pitchers from the minor leagues - any three pitchers - and take my chances."

***

Jeane MacIntosh, Post:

A golf-resort developer put nearly two dozen NHL stars on ice -- taking millions they had invested with him and blowing it on parties packed with porn stars, hookers and his baseball buddies, including ex-Yankees Roger Clemens and Reggie Jackson, according to two explosive lawsuits filed yesterday. ...

Jowdy got rowdy, squandering their cold cash on "lavish parties" that included "various female porn stars, escorts, strippers [and] party girls" to impress Clemens, Jackson, banned star Pete Rose and ESPN announcer Joe Morgan ...

The suits also allege that Jowdy:

* Put a Clemens gal pal named Adrian Moore, described as a "regular party attendee who was close to Clemens," on his payroll "as a personal favor" to the former Yankee Cy Young winner. ...

A call to Clemens' business manager was not returned. In statement sent to TMZ.com, Morgan said he "never went to any of those parties."

Well, we know how faulty Morgan's memory can be.