July 27, 2008

Rant

Caution: Naughty words inside.

31 comments:

redsock said...

Pissed off? Do it here.

Don't wanna hear pissed off things? Stay away!

...

I did not write this, but I was laughing quite a bit by the end.

*****************

SoSH OilCanShotTupac:

I've fucking had it with this team.

Fuck this team and fuck everyone involved with it.

Fuck Manny and his on-again, off-again drama.

Fuck Ortiz and his wrist.

Fuck JD Drew and his sick kid, he obviously doesn't give a fuck.

Fuck Youkilis and his helmet throwing temper tantrums. It's called Lexapro. Get some.

Fuck Mike Lowell and his one nut.

Fuck Julio Lugo. Check the game threads Julio, I've been defending you all year, but the only thing you can hit is your wife. Fuck off and don't come back.

Fuck Alex Cora. You can't field hit or run. You are a utility man but you have no utility. Please kill yourself and throw your own corpse into a compost heap to rot, that way you will serve some end.

Fuck Varitek. Jesus would you please hit the ball once in a while. A blind man waving the bat randomly would make more contact.

Fuck Jacoby Ellsbury. OK so you cant hit, but in the one time out of 20 you get on base, how about running?

Fuck Coco. Did you see that out that Coco made?

Fuck Kevin Cash. If there was a Backup Catchers Convention, you'd still be the worst hitter in the room. How does that feel?

Fuck Josh Beckett. Can I have '07 Beckett back, please?

Fuck Matsuzaka. I'd like to rig up a gizmo where i could deliver you an electric shock every time you threw a ball. That'd learn your timid ass.

Fuck Tim Wakefield. Just because you never know when he's going to totally shit the bed.

Fuck Bartolo Colon. It's called a diet, you fat fuck.

Fuck Clay Buchholz. Obviously your no-hitter went to your head because you fucking suck.

Fuck Javy Lopez. Tito's Binky.

Fuck Papelbon. What happened to your other pitches, for fuck's sake.

Fuck Okie Dokie. Get a fucking grip, dude.

Fuck Aardsma. Fuck MDC. Fuck Craig Hansen. The three of you should be in the eighth pit of hell for enternity playing catch with each other.

Fuck Mike Fucking Timlin. Dude hang it up already.

Fuck Tito. Who does Sean Casey have to ball-tongue around here to get some plate appearances?

Fuck Theo. Does it look to you like this team can hit? Does it look to you like this bullpen can hold a lead, or even keep a game close? Get to work, man.

Fuck Jerry Remy. NO I don't want a goddamn T-shirt. Go have another cigarette you fucking hack, your voice isn't rough enough yet.

Fuck every single fucking fans of a lessor stature than I in Fenway Park. Fuck all of them. Go to Six Flags or some shit and leave my ballpark alone.

Fuck the fucking Tampa Bay Rays. and fuck the Yankees.

Fuck all y'all.

Fuck off.

**************************

redsock said...

Fuck the Boston media. I don't need you illiterate hacks telling me what to think. I'm an adult and I can think for my fucking self. I like watching the Red Sox win. Manny helps them win. So fuck you, STFU and fuck off.

Fuck stupid sheeplike Red Sox fans. You like doing whatever anyone tells you to do? Jump in front of a bus. How about that? Take your wave and your cellphone and your fucking green and pink and cammo hats and go fall down a well.

Jack Marshall said...

Good job. Love it. I guess he's a fan of Lester and Pedroia?

L-girl said...

Fucking excellent! Fucking thank you!

redsock said...

Someone noticed that at SoSH.

Well ....

Fuck Jon Lester. You beat cancer? Good for you, you're the first person ever to do that. Brav-fucking-o. You wanna start stopping your fucking parade of walks and high pitch counts and overcoming some baseball teams now?

...

...

Oh, you are doing that? Carry on, then.

Like tonight.

...

But I'm watching you, fucker.

redsock said...

Fuck Dustin Pedroia and his dirty uniform. Fucking fuck yeah balding short scrappy white dude -- you forget how to walk, asshole? Fucking Lugo is getting on base as much as you. LUGO?!?! Laser show -- my fucking ass! Pick up your cribbage board or whatever the fuck it is and go back Elfland.

flip said...

Boy, I wish there were a weblog called something like "Joy of Sox" that would celebrate the team I enjoy rooting for so much.

Please consider posting a "Rave" thread, too? That's what I'd prefer to read after the last couple days.

redsock said...

Fuck John Farrell. Bullpen's falling apart and you're doing exactly what, dick face, with your rolled up piece of paper in the dugout? When you go out to the mound, how about just forgetting the fucking advice and slapping some of these fuckers in the head?

redsock said...

Fuck blog commenters. You really think you're adding anything to the discussion? Christ. Yeah, we're just waiting for your next brilliant observation. Can't fucking spell, commas all over the fucking place -- its does not have a goddamn apostophe, penis breath. The only thing worse that some loser in his mid-40s with a blog are the dushbags that bother to read and talk about it.

9casey said...

It's is a contraction for it is or it has.

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it.

And there is absolutely, positively, no such word as its'.

A simple test
If you can replace it[']s in your sentence with it is or it has, then your word is it's; otherwise, your word is its.

Another test
Its is the neuter version of his and her. Try plugging her into your sentence where you think its belongs. If the sentence still works grammatically (if not logically) then your word is indeed its.



Yeah Fuck Grammar

ish said...

So, basically "it" got its balls cut off.

Fuck balls.

And Fuck Ted Williams too. Why couldn't you have fucking hit that ball less far into right field so J.D. Drew could actually accomplish something with that rather meaningless bomb yesterday?

How long will it be before the Red Hat Society shows up at Fenway with white B's knitted to their hats?

Its'

Amy said...

LOL!

Patrick said...

Fuck Craig Hansen! What the fuck are you doing on this planet, bro? There's no such thing as quadruple A, so fucking sack up or help the Paw sox win. No one looks forward to seeing you on the mound!

Fuck Manny Ramirez! Everything is your fault, Manny! Some baby starved in the middle east, and I blame you. You're a god damn first round hall of famer, and all you do is hit, and contribute, and play the ball off the monster like it's your third arm. You're an example to the uptight New Enlganders who can't handle your dark skin or dread locks. Asshole.

God damn you Ortiz, why do you make me love you so much!

That is all. I feel better.

redsock said...

Fuck redsock. We're capable of finding the Globe links ourselves.

redsock said...

Fuck Marty Foster with a rusty rake. Rivera can do just fine without a five-foot wide strike zone. I hope Lowell fouls 15 pitches in a row off your skull.

ish said...

Fuck Heidi, for being so pretty and making me turn the volume up every time she comes on. If that's a reason.

redsock said...

Fuck the people who say "baseball should be a game and not a business" and then promptly criticize someone like Manny who is not afraid to show how much he enjoys playing the game. I don't want to hear you and I don't want to see you. I don't want to even be dimly aware of your existence.

Jack Marshall said...

And fuck people who say fuck all the time. If you can't fucking find a verb that fucking means something, keep your fucking mouth closed. Fucking read a fucking book. Try Roger Fucking Angell and "Fucking Agincourt and Fucking After." Now there was a fuck who fucking knew how to fucking write without using even ONE fucking fuck! But if he HAD used fucking fuck, he fucking would have fucking used fucking it fucking meaningfully, and not as a fucking placeholder. Fuck!

JP Velour said...

Here's the thing:

I'm not a greedy Boston fan by any means. Except for the Bruins, the city's been winning everything lately. The Sox winning two out of four years has been a godsend. I'm fine with Tampa, Baltimore or Toronto getting their act together and taking the East flag.

BUT I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF THAT WE'RE TANKING TO THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING YANKEES AGAIN!!!!!

I don't know how you people feel, but judging from the last three days there seems to be a major conspiracy afoot involving MLB, Fox, and the Pirates to get the Steinfucker Pinstriped Brown Shirts back into the World Series. Did you see those fucking strike calls Friday night? And whose dick did Cashman suck to get the spastic Buccos to gift wrap a .330 hitter and dominating lefty reliever to them for what amounted to a used jock strap and couple packages of Beer Nuts? I demand a fucking investigation now, Selig, you Yankee-sucking creep.

The only possible good news I can cling to in the next two months is the fact that the Bronxian Pricks have TEN games to play with the Angels, notorious for butt-fucking them when it counts.

And Nancy Drew, you need to start hitting 420-foot homers with actual people on base. Lazy fag.

Thanks. I needed that.

L-girl said...

Patrick and Jack, thanks for the fucking laughs!

Amy said...

I am fucking pissed that the game threads go on without me, that life gets in the way of fucking baseball, and that MLB can't fucking schedule games for times when I can watch them.

And I hate the fucking Yankees (and I can't say that aloud around here, so fucking thank you for giving me a space to do it.

Now I feel sort of better. No, not really. Damn.

redsock said...

My rant from August 2006!

redsock said...

there seems to be a major conspiracy afoot involving MLB, Fox, and the Pirates to get the Steinfucker Pinstriped Brown Shirts back into the World Series

This fucker I've never heard of may have a valid fucking point. Let me adjust my tinfoil.

Lord Lynch said...

Fuck living in England, so that all the games in the week are when I need to sleep to be in a fit state for work, and when they are live on satellite, they suck.

What time are we fucking playing tonight. Fuck ESPN.

Tony said...

Fuck every goddamn Yankees/Red Sox series being blown way the fuck out of proportion by the fucknuts that broadcast MLB. I know plenty of neutrals that absolutely hate Yankees/Red Sox series, and I'm leaning towards their side now.

Fuck the term "MFY". I'm sorry, but I had to say it. We (I include myself) give those fucknuts in the Bronx way too much goddamn motherfucking credit, and it makes me sick to the bottom of my fucking stomach. They're not even the motherfuckers we're CHASING this year, for God's sake! I'm sick and fucking tired of giving those shitheads their own special goddamn fucking nickname, like they're the only fucking team that matters. Why aren't there "MFR" or "MFA" or "MFO" nicknames out there? Beating them counts the exact same in the standings as beating those turds in the Bronx. From now on, I'm only calling them the "Yankees". They're not special. Fuck them.

Fucking pennant races are exhausting the shit out of me. Just once I'd like the fucking Red Sox to blow their division out of the water like the Angels are doing and coast into October. I know it's impossible since the teams in the AL East are miles better than the fucking shitty ass teams in the West, but still. I'm nearing the end of my fucking nerves and July's not even done yet.

Whew. That felt good. I'm glad I posted in the "Rave" section first so I could get that nagging positivity out of the way and really let 'er rip.

redsock said...

We have been using FKR.

...

But even if they go 0-162, they will still be the always-hated, Mother Fucking Yankees.

redsock said...

What time are we fucking playing tonight. Fuck ESPN.

8 o'fuckingclock.

Lord Lynch said...

One o fucking clock, more like, redsock!

Joe Grav said...

Fuck everyone who's writing off this team when they're two games out in July; Fuck all the fans who need to pull a woe-is-me act WHILE WE ARE STILL DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPIONS.

Fuck the Yankees, fuck A-Rod and I really fucking hope there is a brawl tonight in which one or more Yankees receive minor injuries.

DANNDANN said...

I second the complaints of Lord Lynch.

Also fuck (british) channel 5 for only showing a live fucking game on a sunday night when fucking Jon Miller and Joe Morgan are on.

Fuck Joe Morgan. Fuck Gary Sheffield while your at it; although Joe would probably do that if given the chance...

Patrick said...

Fuck Peter Gammons. What an asshole. Congratulations on sniping out Manny from the safety of your bunker. Thanks for showing different sides to your story, and giving us more than one way of looking at it. Oh wait, you didn't. You're a real hero.

And fuck Justin Masterson...just kidding. I love that guy.