December 7, 2010

Gonzo Is Funny, CHB Is Moronic

Several reports say that the preliminary agreement with Adrian Gonzalez is for seven years and $154 million.

So one week after Idiot Emeritus Dan Shaughnessy suggested that the Red Sox offer Derek Jeter (aka Mr. Heavy Foot (see 1:20)) -- who had the worst year of his career in 2010 and will turn 37 next summer -- $20 million a year for three years
"There is simply no downside ... I don't care if Jeter is way past his prime or if the Sox would have to wildly overpay ... [I]t would make the Sox less boring"
Theo Epstein has retained the services of Gonzalez -- who is coming off his two best seasons and will be 29 next year -- for the 2012-18 seasons for an average of $22 million per year.

And people still think this Bozo is worth paying attention to? (Yes, I know I am paying attention to him. I am sorry, but his extreme stupidity (or pandering for internet clicks) in this case -- there is no hint that he is being anything but completely serious re the Jeter offer -- needed to be mentioned. In the future, I will do it only when absolutely necessary.)
Example
Scott Miller, CBS Sports:
While Gonzalez was in Boston for his physical examination over the weekend, he was at dinner Friday night with some Red Sox executives when, from across the restaurant, came a familiar face to greet him.

It just so happened that Sox outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury was having dinner in the same restaurant.

Ellsbury approached the Red Sox table and congratulated Gonzalez on coming to Boston.

Without missing a beat, Gonzalez smiled, accepted the congratulations -- and then congratulated Ellsbury.

"And my place is going to be open, so if you need a place to stay in San Diego, let me know," Gonzalez deadpanned to Ellsbury.

According to a Padres executive, who had been briefed by their Red Sox counterparts, Ellsbury momentarily froze ... before he was assured that no, he was not headed west to San Diego as part of the trade.

Everyone was said to have gotten a big laugh -- including Ellsbury.
At various points in their discussions, the Red Sox and Padres talked about including Ellsbury in the deal. They also discussed Felix Doubront and Jed Lowrie, but the Padres wanted talented players without so much service time.
Example
During the press conference Monday morning, Theo Epstein said Gonzalez was going to "wear out the Wall". And Gonzalez seemed to agree:
I know that most of my outs in the air are to left field, so that's something to look forward to. ... I let the ball get deep, I hit the ball in the air to left field. My No. 1 goal at the plate is to get the ball in the air. I don't want to hit it on the ground. You'll find out, I'm very slow*. Speed is not part of my game. So, for me to have success, I need to hit the ball in the air. When you put the short fence here, with the Green Monster, I'm excited about the possibility of a lot of those outs turning into hits.
At least one metric (Fangraphs) has him as the slowest player in the big leagues.
Example
Most exciting game in 2010? THT says, according to its Action Index: June 24: Boston 13, Rockies 10 (11)

18 comments:

Patrick said...

That game was bitter sweet, because DP broke his foot shorty after.

But he did dub his lasers as 'rockets' after that game.

FenFan said...

Idiot Emeritus Dan Shaughnessy

Classic!

When the post title ticked across my feed, I was thinking way to point out the obvious about CHB. He's like a car wreck; you can't help but look when you drive past one.

Benjamin said...

"Gonzo" is a terrible nickname. If we're going to use a terrible one, it should at least be unique. I propose "Gonad".

nick said...

Patrick said...
That game was bitter sweet, because DP broke his foot shorty after.


Shorty!

nick said...

I also don't like "Gonzo". It struck in my mind "Raoul" after Hunter S. Thompson's Raoul Duke of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

I just looked it up on Wikipedia to make sure my memory was correct and saw this:
Duke is first mentioned by Thompson in his 1966 book Hell's Angels, where he is described as an outlaw who does not break the law in an offensive way to society, but a way that in fact makes him more acceptable.

An acceptable outlaw.

Anyhow...not saying saying, just saying it stuck (and struck) in my head pretty quick.

Benjamin said...
I propose "Gonad".


...in the testicular singular.

redsock said...

I like Benjamin's reference to Evil Bert.

Woti-woti said...

Yeah, but "Gonzo" is better than "AGon" and any other of those shortened first-last name combos. "CarGo" was pretty much the shark-jumper for me. Although strangely enough, I find "ARoid" still works:)

Ish said...

I'm leaning toward Dante because he looks like Dante from the movie Clerks.

L-girl said...

I think lasting nicknames have to wait for the season. Something will be born during a gamethread or from a player quote, and it will stick.

A-Gon is the worst - those nicknames have had it.

If we're going from Gonzo to Hunter S. Thompson - a cool idea - I'd go with Duke. Easier to say and type than Raoul, and I always think of that character as Duke, via Doonesbury.

L-girl said...

Also, I fear Gonad will soon become Nad, and I hate that word.

redsock said...

Possible game thread comment from interleague game against Cincinnati:

Nad with the scrotum fly off Saturn Balls!

Benjamin said...

Yeah, but "Gonzo" is better than "AGon" and any other of those shortened first-last name combos.
Not better than the shortened last-first name combo Gonad. It's clearly best of the terrible nicknames.

Also, I fear Gonad will soon become Nad, and I hate that word.

You'd hate RISD's hockey team (The Nads), then.

L-girl said...

Yeah, but "Gonzo" is better than "AGon" and any other of those shortened first-last name combos.

Not better than the shortened last-first name combo Gonad.


Not if the continual emphasis on male genitalia makes you cringe! Guess I won't be going to any hockey games at RISD. Here I was going to plan my winter around their schedule.

If we're insisting on a pre-season nickname for our new 1B, I nominate Duke. Cute, short, easy, 3 steps away from anything obvious, but not impossible to explain.

tim said...

Most exciting game in 2010? THT says, according to its Action Index: June 24: Boston 13, Rockies 10 (11)

Obviously! That's what happens when JoSers watch the game together (not live and in person)!

A-Gon and Gonzo are terrible, I agree. Duke is too obscure...for me, it should be based on appearance (Evil Bert is good) or something they do/say.

L-girl said...

Well, some of our most enduring nicknames aren't based on appearance or behaviour: LBJ, Cactus, Cabin Mirror, among others.

The leap from Gonzo to Duke is not that obscure.

Just MO, of course. It will all settle in during the season.

nick said...

L-girl said...
It will all settle in during the season.


NO! If this isn't set in stone by Truck Day, then we might as well give up on the season already. Dammit, how can there be any sort of cohesion in the clubhouse or the game threads if we haven't got this settled?

I might as well start rooting for the MFY. Let's see. There's asshole, asshole, asshole, and right down the roster. easy, I can handle that.

Zenslinger said...

Extra Bases has lots of interesting reports from the winter meetings. I was especially impressed by this list of rumors/possibilities.

johngoldfine said...

..what nick said!

:)