February 17, 2008

The Poetry of Roger Clemens

Hart Seely:
In his testimony and depositions, the Rocket has hurled a poetic masterpiece, with a repertoire that ranges from free-form verse to haiku.
A sample:
"Stop Sign"

In Boston, I know I was on prednisone.
I remember that because actually
I came here to visit the White House
When the president was in,
And my head looked like a stop sign.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition

"Headaches"

Kids come to my house and work out.
I invite them to come work out.
The littler kids,
I try to get them to sign a waiver
In case a bat comes out of my hand, or a ball.
We've experienced that.
That's headaches.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition


"Offensive Haiku"

I am offended.
I will be honest with you.
I am offended.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition

11 comments:

L-girl said...

Nice literary touch. (Even tho it kills me to see haikus perverted this way.)

Matt said...

I wonder if the waiver covers pieces of bats come out of his hand...ala Piazza

L-girl said...

But he thought it was the ball!

Matt, I see you are in Anchorage. We visited (and fell in love) with Alaska in 1996. Does the "Far From Fenway Fan Club" still exist? A guy ran it out of a bike shop in Anchorage.

(On that trip, we also fell in love with sled-dogs, and now are blog-friends with a dog-sledder in the Yukon who we hope to visit before too long.)

SoSock said...

Woo, woo! Haiku!
The committee passes judgement
The bards rol in their graves

Saw the "Poetry of Roger Clemens" piece at Slate On-line
Great stuff!
There was this gem also -

"Glute"
I have strained my glute
On a couple occasions.
I wish I could tell you
How many occasions.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition

Did you see the piece by Stephen Metcalf there, about the partinsan make-up of the committee? He derides the Repugs handling of Clemens, including Shay's chauffeuring him around DC, as well as the slandering of McNamee. He offers this insight -
"Clemens' defense, in its deranged righteousness, echoes to perfection the heedlessness and swagger of the Bush years, the arrogant stupidity of an administration that will no doubt pardon Roger Clemens should he ever be indicted for perjury. It says, Here in Houston, boy, we make the rules."
My sentiments essackly!

redsock said...

Woo, woo! Haiku!
The committee passes judgement
The bards rol in their graves


Haiku is 5-7-5. That's 4-8-6.

Inarticulate
Should have done what Sammy did
"Me no speak English"

redsock said...

Fat Billy took roids
Fat Billy took roids oh yes
Fat Billy took roids

I like how Billy claims he was talking about his wife when he talked to Andy about 'roids in 1999, but then admits that Debbie didn't take the one-time shot in her ass until 2003.

Sadly, this question was not asked: "Mr. Clemens, are you aware of any other men who have shot stuff into your wife's ass?"

9casey said...

redsock said...

Sadly, this question was not asked: "Mr. Clemens, are you aware of any other men who have shot stuff into your wife's ass?"

couldn't resist, huh...maybe leader in the clubhouse for comment of the year.....

SoSock said...

Haiku is 5-7-5. That's 4-8-6.

Kinda depends on you ask :)
Lots of discussion about that on Soxaholics a day or 2 ago.
But I will be the first to confess - poetry was never my strong suit

My poetry's weak
Fat Billy's case is weaker
His wife's ass is strong

L-girl said...

Haiku is 5-7-5. That's 4-8-6.

Kinda depends on you ask :)


No it doesn't.

Haikus aren't just strings of phrases made by counting syllables. But they are definitely 5-7-5. It doesn't depend on you ask.

Andy said...

I am thoroughly entertained. Thank you for the wonderful time. Best Blog thread ever.

L-girl said...

So that Alaska guy never came back to answer my very important question. And I end up blathering about sled dogs to nobody. Thanksalot.