February 17, 2011

Schadenfreude 106 (A Continuing Series)

Daniel Barbarisi, Wall Street Journal:
The latest episode of "The Biggest Loser: Yankee Edition" kicked off in earnest Wednesday when General Manager Brian Cashman acknowledged that reliever Joba Chamberlain reported to camp well over his listed weight of 230 pounds, to the team's chagrin.

"He's obviously heavier. That's as much as I'll say on it," Mr. Cashman said. ...

Going by the listed weights, the Yankees have 18 players in camp listed at 225 pounds or more, just under one-third of the total group in camp. Five players are listed at 250 pounds or more. On the pitching staff, new arrivals Freddy Garcia (250) and Bartolo Colon (245) join the mammoth Mr. Sabathia (290) and the voluminous Phil Hughes (240).

If Mr. Colon and Mr. Garcia both made the staff alongside A.J. Burnett (230), the Yankees would have perhaps the heaviest rotation in baseball history, weighing in at a positively amplitudinous 1,255 pounds. ...

Mr. Chamberlain danced around the subject, insisting that he's in the best shape of his life. ...

Colon's Yankee profile actually lists him at 185 pounds — a clear typo, as Colon probably hasn't weighed that much since middle school. Even Mr. Cashman laughed when told that was the pitcher's listed weight.
Jon Heyman (SI), Twitter, February 14:
not saying jobas fat, but he looks like he may have swallowed one of the clubhouse kids
Ben Shpigel (Times), Twitter, February 16:
Cashman on Joba: "he's heavier."
How much heavier? "He's heavier."
Is he out of shape? "He's heavier."
Joba, who spent the off-season watching cartoons with his son:
My weight feels stronger.
On NESN today, Peter Gammons said the Yankees are "very upset with Joba's physical conditioning" and suggested that he might start the season in AAA -- something Cashman has hinted at.

(The Yankees roster at mlb.com lists 14 players at 225+, not 18, though the rosters being examined may not be identical. In case you are wondering, mlb.com's Red Sox roster lists 10 players at 225+, with Bobby Jenks (275), John Lackey (245), Jon Lester (240), and Jarrod Saltalamacchia (235) leading the way.)

(Thanks to Benjamin for the WSJ link.)


allan said...

Peter Abraham, Extra Bases: "Congrats to Dan, by the way. He was named was one the 10 best columnists for newspapers with a circulation over 175,000 by the Associated Press Sports Editors)"

What this means: There are 10 or fewer columnists for newspapers with a circulation over 175,000.

Kathryn said...

And the hits just keep coming! This is too funny. The mighty JtC in AAA.

mattymatty said...

Bartolo Colon at 245 is almost as funny as Colon at 185. Both are equally fictional.

Rick (f/k/a westcoastsox) said...

Welcome back, Schadenfreude. And hello, Spring Training!

Pokerwolf said...

Wow, Joba in AAA? Who the hell are they going to get to pitch for him?